When is the right time for Goodbye?

🥰 When is it the ‘right’ time?

Considerations when living with a dog we may need to say goodbye to soon.

I was asked a few years ago to help with an online piece for Newsweek focusing on an older dog who’s owners were disagreeing about whether it was time to say goodbye to their 17 year old dog.

There is of course no easy answer, and no blanket answer to fit every scenario but whenever I’m asked about this it does get me thinking for several days.

When IS the right time?

My belief is that it’s not based solely on a dog’s age, how long you’ve had a dog, whether they are unwell or have joint issues but should be a decision made by looking at the whole picture. 

Would you say a dog should be PTS* because he has just turned 17 years old? (*PTS = Put To Sleep)

What about if I then added that the dog doesn’t go out on walks now but does go to hydrotherapy once a week?

Would it change your mind to know the same dog toilets overnight at least once, every night, and he is on a combination of pain meds due to the amount of painful arthritis in his body?

Does your thought process change from the first piece of information to the last piece?

While we provide the five freedoms for our pets (Food, Water, Shelter, Companionship and to not suffer in Pain) we have the biggest decision possible when we are stood with a piece of paper to sign to give permission for our vet to euthanise our dog. 

I truly understand. 

When Cassie went into Status Epilepticus a few years ago age 16 1/2 we thought the vet wouldn’t need consent or she wouldn’t still be fighting after the 30 mins drive there – but she was and we suddenly found ourselves in a room with Cassie sedated and a pen in our hands ready to sign away her last breath! Not at all how we thought the next few hours would go when we went to bed that night. 

After 7 months battling Cancer, Taylor was finding his newest tumour was spreading inside his mouth and I estimated in a week he wouldn’t be able to eat or drink. We gave him his last Christmas Day with a run on the beach, his favourite food (inc ice cream that ended up all over his face!) and lots of snuggles knowing later that week would be his last trip to the vets. The next day however he was clearly in pain so he went to the vets a few days early and we were given options – too many for our minds to understand at the time. We made the decision to sedate then euthanise after having twice as long with him then all vets had anticipated, and good time too. 

Yes, we could have given him pain meds and injections etc to take him home for a few more days and I will openly admit the tiniest part of me just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my Baby Boy, especially in the same year as Cassie, but it would have been 100% for me and not him. We said goodbye as he was given his sedative and gave him the biggest of hugs. 

It is said, in various formats, the greatest gift we can give our pets is helping them move on before they are suffering. 

A week too early is kinder than a day too late.

Meaning; If you feel your dog is uncomfortable, in pain, has greatly reduced quality of life, is having accidents they cannot stand up to move away from etc give them the dignity of passing rather than dragging the inevitable to help our own heartbreak. It’s so hard, but we must remember it’s about our dog x 

A few years ago I trained as a Pet Bereavement Counsellor. I don’t run Pet Bereavement Sessions or advertise this, but the training means I can help dog owners training with us or who have trained with us previously who are soon to loose their dog, or have just lost them. I’m honoured that dog owners do open up and talk to me about what’s coming or what has passed.

Training in Pet Bereavement Counselling also meant I had preparations for when I lost Cassie and then Taylor; understanding the grief process better, knowing everyone grieves differently and that it’s absolutely acceptable to take any amount of time to grieve.

We can also start grieving while our dog is still with us as we grieve the changes and not seeing some of our dog’s personality anymore. Sometimes the pro grieving stages are what makes the final decision so difficult as we are already experiencing heartbreak.

Talk to your vet and any pet professionals about what options there are. Talk to your trainer, groomer, dog walker, friends and family with dogs as there may be treatment options that could suit your dog’s needs. 

Most importantly talk to your immediate family, to all care givers of your pets, to make this big decision together and give everyone a chance to have a voice plus to support each other. 

And if you need me, you know where I am x

If you would like to read the article in Newsweek it’s here.

Joe Nutkins
Accredited Dog Trainer with Kennel Club and Distinctive Dog Training 
Certified Pet Bereavement Counsellor
Dog Training for Essex & Suffolk